Oh, those words strike fear in my mother’s heart, because unlike the Christmas letters, I have been honest in saying there are quite a few chinks in my armor. These past couple of years via my blog, even though I have made it a point not to share details, the pain and struggle in my life have been obvious as I have tried my best to face my truths.
Tell your story.
And I’m growing.
It’s a wonderful thing.
This blog has helped tremendously for me to face my truths.
At first, I admit, it was a bit more, this happened, and that happened. And oh, poor me! And then I would post something even more private in one of my Facebook groups, and my wonderful Facebook friends would murmur their support at facing these trials. It was nice to have that support; I confess. As someone who never really had that support, it has been lovely to garnish some sympathy, some ‘poor you, we love you anyhow’ ’s.
But once you start walking, you realize, why not keep going? Why not?
I no longer feel such an urge to explain myself, to tell the world what is going on in my life, and the unfairness of parts of it.
A couple of days ago, I hit maximum capacity on the trials of managing four children aged three to fourteen pretty much on my own (well, with my husband’s help but he is busy with trying to support our family) and add to the midst some serious personal, legal, financial and marital struggles. Meanwhile, our extended family: my mother, my ex-husband, my husband’s family – are nowhere to be found. Our fault or their’s?
I said my piece (or is it ’peace’?) to them in an e-mail. And my mother, who I have been estranged from now for over the better part of a year, replied with some pretty hurtful comments saying that I am immature, a whiner, melodramatic and she can’t believe that I would even have any friends the type of person that I am.
Here’s the AMAZING thing.
This doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt.
For every person out there who believes the above, there is another. Another who thinks I’m a badass: that I’m strong, caring, capable, kind, smart, beautiful, funny, resourceful.
And I’m learning to let go of the former, and BE ONE of the latter.
Tell your story.
And then change it.
Find your ‘companeros’, because there are so many good things out there. The clip is from ‘Wings of Desire’: one of my favorite movies.
‘I have a story, and I’ll continue to tell it.’
Just make sure it’s really YOUR story.