castle

Do you have Someone?

When you have the worst sorts of days, the car breaks down on the way to the track meet, the kids are all screaming, the bills are due, sleep is nowhere to be found …

Do you have Someone?

Someone that will listen, lend a sympathetic ear. Assure you that it is not (all) your fault, that all of this will pass, that there will be brighter days and that you can handle everything set in your path.

Not just handle, but rock it. You have what it takes … and more.

You are worthy

And beautiful

And loved.

Do you have Someone?

That looks you straight in the eyes and asks how are you.

And means it.

Or doesn’t even need to ask as they can already tell. And they are there.

Someone who doesn’t see the extra weight, the wrinkles on your neck, the stained sweatpants and unwashed hair. They see the perfection that you were at five years old and still are in your 40’s – every blemish a sign of a battle hard fought and survived, a memory enjoyed or a stormy season of tears.

Do you have Someone?

When the going gets tough, they will pick up the other end of your load, unasked, without reproach, walk in silence, heaving, sweating, sorrowing and then figure out how else to carry it or where to set it down.

Do you have Someone?

Maybe you are lucky enough to have Somewhere as well – a place where you enter and your shoulders relax. You can be yourself and know that you are loved and accepted – imperfect as you are.

Cousins, aunts, siblings, friends, neighbors – perhaps, you have more than One Someone.

And this doesn’t mean they don’t have the hard talks. They do. They make you accept blame and responsibility where it is due, but they acknowledge that we all make mistakes.

And your mistakes are limited to your actions not the core of you.

The core of you is still worthy and beautiful and loved.

Do you have Someone(s)?

Now do this Litmus test. You can pretty much separate those of us who are doing well in life and those of us who are struggling by whether or not they have Someone(s).

Not by their challenges, their handicaps, their hurdles … most likely how they are handling those things depends on if they have Someone(s).

I remember not too long ago reading a Facebook post about a husband lovingly, tenderly caring for his wife who just had brain surgery for a tumor. And being envious. Envious of someone with a brain tumor.

Because she had Someone.

THAT is how powerful it is.

And what do you do if you do not have Someone?

First off, you have to forgive the people around you for not being that Someone or providing that Somewhere. They never had it and therefore never learned how to provide it.

Then you have to stop the cycle.

How do you do that?

By first being your own Someone. By realizing that you are worthy and beautiful and loved: imperfectly perfect as you are, but still deserving of your own castle.

Then forgive yourself for each time in the past that you lashed out in pain and protection and hurt those around you.

And then, Raise the Drawbridge.

Don’t let anyone over the drawbridge and into your castle who does not have the potential to be that Someone. Anyone who makes you feel small and unloved, who points a finger at you and details why you are unworthy and who does not see the unique talents you bring to the table.

Kick them out. Raise the drawbridge.

Maybe you married the wrong person. Maybe you have a difficult job with a horrible boss. Maybe you are living under the roof of an abusive parent. Maybe you have friends or a roommate who continually drain you.

Raising the drawbridge may not mean physically leaving today, getting a divorce or triumphantly quitting your job.

But you can raise the drawbridge in your mind. You can realize that you are a unique, beautiful, worthy Someone. If someone is abusive, speak your truth. And if they do not want to listen and truly talk, walk away. And keep walking away.

It may be lonely in your castle for awhile. You may have to fight some battles on your own. There may be some long, hard days where all you can do is cower behind the door, crying and collapsing on the floor.

But this is the thing that I guarantee, sooner or later, when you refuse to let the wrong people into your castle, the people around you will either change and become that Someone or they will leave making room for Someone to Appear.

We are all worthy of Someone(s).

* Picture of Bodiam Castle, a 14th-century moated castle near Robertsbridge in East Sussex, England.