ride the wave

First of all, a great big Thank You to all four of my incredible, wonderful, stupendous and completely perfect children. All four daily push my energy, my patience, my stamina and my belief system completely to the limits.

By the end of the week, taking care of four children aged three to fourteen, I am Tired. This week, the first week of summer, with them home all day, that was especially the case. Yesterday afternoon, I had to take both of my boys and a friend to the movie theatre with the two younger in the car as well.

I concentrated on my breathing and did my best to go to my ‘happy place’ in the midst of their whining, bickering, teasing and constant needs.

I wondered to myself exactly why it is that your own children are the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard: why do their irritating quirks bother me so? I knew I was just physically and mentally spent as I so often find myself. But I also know it’s because you so desperately want to fix these things and be sure that you are doing your part to help them turn into the best they can be.

Back when I was actually speaking to my mother-in-law, when I was pregnant with child number four, she kept asking me in this incredulous voice if I knew how babies were made.

I am chuckling as I write this. Of course, I know how babies are made. I just didn’t know exactly how very fertile I am and how much all four wanted to come earth side.

Yes, I am sorry that I have not been able to give them a more idyllic childhood. But I have done my absolute best and always put everything I have on the line for them, and I am oh so grateful they have given me this opportunity to learn so much about myself and to grow.

Just like I am grateful to my mother who I currently am not speaking with and who when the ‘shit hit the fan’ here took the opportunity to tell me exactly everything I have done wrong in my life and then took a vacation to Spain instead of coming to help out her daughter who so desperately needed her.

And to my In Laws – half of whom I had not seen in four years for some small altercation where they decided that I was too difficult to deal with. And to the other half, who when I continually prodded and poked about why we didn’t have any family get together’s, rely on each other more and help each other out, I would instead get their replies of how very busy they are and what I am doing wrong.

And to my ex-husband who believes the ‘cost’ of a child is just what they physically put into their mouth and does not acknowledge all the time and energy I daily spend on our children and who considers his parental duties done by phone calls and a half a dozen visits each year while his children’s unfulfilled need for him make them even more needy of my and my husband’s time and energy.

Thank You.

To all of those who could be helping making all of this oh so much easier but are not and instead put the 24 hour a day/7 days a week full time responsibility of raising four children, half of whom are his stepchildren, smack dab on my husband’s and my shoulders: a very big ‘Thank You.’

And if you can hear that ‘Thank You’ dripping with sarcasm and anger, I am working on it.

Because here’s the thing, underneath that, I truly, honestly mean it.

In the midst of going through some very trying times over here, through the stress and exhaustion, the anger, fear and self-pity have been in abundance. I have been having panic attacks, depression and losing my temper pretty much on a daily basis. It has been challenging to say the least.

But here’s the thing, I’ve taken these ‘challenges’ and been able to work through them rather quickly.

I’ve learned how to ride the wave that is coming in and not get so bloody and battered in the process.

And what I find incredible, what I find life-affirming and joyous is that in the midst of all of these financial, marital, legal and personal challenges, I’ve still been able to enjoy some perfect moments where the sun is shining, the wave is joyous, and the breeze is magnificent.

Shit-kicking-ass! By Georgia! I think I finally might be getting this!

Coming Soon … in my 45 years, I have been to plenty of counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc., and for the most part, they have been invaluable at helping me to understand the ‘why’s’ of myself, the rational, logical side of who I am and why.

But what they have not really addressed is what to do with that knowledge and how to heal from the emotional wounds of my life.

The past couple of years, I have been looking at ways to ’thrive not just survive’ and in order to do that, you have to deal with these emotional wounds.

In other words, the wound has to bleed in order to heal. Here is where Energy Healing steps in.

The theory is that your aura holds these traumas and challenges and what you don’t address, turn into physical challenges. This New Agey stuff is not only a mixture of science and wonder, but also ancient beliefs and knowledge thousands of years old that people are learning more and more to incorporate into their lives.

Believe me, I hold my share of skepticism, but I have had a couple of visits with Dr. Kelly Wells (see her website here) and have found her to hit the nail head on with her assessment of my challenges, in helping emotions come to the surface, heal past traumas and move through emotion to a healthier me.

Seriously, I am so far, blown away by her.

More to come and a hearty recommendation to check her out either in person in the Fox River area or remotely as she also works long distance.


*Photo is of Paige Alms – one of only a handful of female big wave surfers … filmmaker Devyn Bisson in a documentary tells not how Paige leads her surf career or how she holds herself in the water, but rather how she leads her life with passion and heart, and is actively involved in her community, inspiring others, especially young girls, to do the same.