So yesterday morning, way before my husband took off to the Emergency Room to confirm that he has a painful blood clot in his leg, I was laying in my Moon Lodge with my cheek against the floor. Yes. You read that right, I was laying on the floor cheek down sobbing.
You see not long after writing this article a couple of years ago, I realized that along with figuring out how to stand legs shoulder width apart, raising your arms into the air, fingers outstretched, head back and taking in the world … sometimes, a gals gotta figure out how to do the opposite.
I realized that sometimes I just have this urge to lay face down on Mother Earth. And I gave into it.
It looks a bit odd, I get it. Even though kids do it all the time. But just like the former stance, it feels good.
Come on, I know you want to try it.
Sometimes, we have to unlearn all these silly little rules of what we should and shouldn’t do.
And then I went and poured some menstrual blood in my garden. Yes, you read that correctly, too. You see, ever since starting to use the Diva Cup, I’m pretty fascinated with my menstrual blood. Yes, I know … icky, you’re not eating any of my tomatoes.
But it’s something else that I have had an urge to do. And so yesterday, I went and did it. It looked pretty cool. And I’m not alone. Read here about menstrual blood as fertilizer or here about finding and using stem cells in menstrual blood.
The Life Mysteries of us women are pretty damn wondrous, no?
It’s most likely not something I’ll be doing often. I have teenage boys after all … no, that’s not fruit punch … uhhh …
But what I am trying to do on a regular basis is kayaking on the river that I live on. I love it. During the week, it’s quiet, peaceful and soul charging to me.
But even that has its challenges, you see the other day I was checking the weather on weather.com … otherwise known as ‘horrendous, horrible weather crisis of the day but unfortunately it’s the best place to get your weather’.com, and I happened to see a video of a whale landing on a couple of kayakers.
I didn’t even watch the damn thing, but I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind. I confess that I am not the best swimmer, and I have always had this (irrational?) fear of water when I can’t see the bottom … but hey, the river still calls …
I escaped to the river this morning to kayak. I needed it after a long night taking care of my four kids while googling up health issues and texting back and forth with my husband in the ER. With all the rain that we’ve gotten, the river was swollen, muddy and ugly. It was relaxing, but when I stopped paddling and looked down … uck, all I could think was that I wonder what all is under there?
What exactly is underneath there? Maybe dead bodies, maybe zombies … have I mentioned I have an over active imagination?
And what of those poor people in the kayak? I mean you’re out there relaxing, enjoying nature, the whole goddamn ocean, and a whale lands on you?? Really? What are the odds?
I mean, I get it, there are no whales in my river. That is not happening, but just entertaining the idea of what lurks below and never really knowing when or where it will come up. …
But of course THAT is what we have to do, give in to our terrors and our fears and our fascinations and wonder and then let them go … and do it anyhow.
For those of you into astrology, it’s a big week. I mean we’re talking apocalypses, world view shifting, the whole nine yards.
I felt a tad guilty today, leaving my three year old with my ailing husband while I escaped to the river, but I told him,
“My bucket is empty. I have to refill my bucket.”
‘Your bucket?? Your bucket? We don’t have time to refill buckets.’ Four kids, no extended family to help, starting a company, no income coming in, this and that and this and more of that, never a moment to rest around here …
And I told him, ‘we may not have time to refill our bucket, but if you don’t take the time, your body does it for you.’
The Whole Worlds A Changing. Yesterday, when I was lying face down in my Moon Lodge sobbing, I was thinking my typical thoughts of, ‘It’s so goddamn Hard. It’s so Unfair. I did not ‘DO’ anything to deserve this!!’
And when I was done, I felt the cool floor under my cheek, and I heard her.
She said, ‘Are you in? or are you out?’
And I answered, ‘Yes, I’m in. This is what I’ve been given. I accept it. I will rise to this challenge.’
And I walked outside, and there was a hawk on my pool cover, and it flew from the pool cover over to the Moon Lodge where I had poured out my blood and in that short flight it told me that She had heard me. And would be there for me.
It’s a New Day. Are you ready to accept it all? Are you ready to change the way you live?
There’s really only two choices: love or fear.