Okay, I’m going to go ahead and say goodbye today.

You see, for year number seven, I’m doing this 4 mile Run again tomorrow.  And I’m in ‘worst shape’ than ever before.  As my husband and I continue to deal with high levels of stress, not only what’s going on in the world with the horrible presidential election, civil unrest and economic insecurity, but also serious personal and financial ones as well (starting a company, four children blended family with very little to no extended family help, no time, energy or funds for each other), my evolutionary-superior body, even though I swear I’m not eating any more than I used to, is storing up fat.  I’m getting fatter.  Whereas the stress is making him skinnier.  We’re looking more and more like Jack Sprat and his wife.

And even though months ago, after getting motivated by this Nike commercial (yea, sure she doesn’t have four kids and have to worry how to pay the bills every month), but yes, an 86 year old women doing this!  Wow!! If she could, we could.  So my daughters and I would do walks, our ‘training’ while shouting out ‘Iron Woman!!!’ at each other for motivation …

I think that lasted about a week or so, and then I went back to my normal ‘try to get everything done while also making sure kids are okay’, fall flat on my face about 7pm.

But it’s a tradition, and we don’t have all that many, so I went and signed us up anyhow.

And then Monday (before the Thursday race), I figured we should at least assess our outcome.  We walked/jogged 1.2 miles in 26 minutes.  I’m not kidding.  And yes, I’m not sure how it was that bad except that it did consist of a lot of ‘get out of the stroller and walk’, ‘get back in the stroller’, ‘go faster’, ‘get up, you can’t lay on the side of the road.’   Managing a four and a seven year old tends to add time to just about everything.

And honestly at this point, I would even be okay with the 96 minute time, except that they shut off the race at 60 minutes, so somehow, some way, we’re going to have to step it up a notch.

I actually am scared about it.  Oh, did I mention that from that 26 minute walk/jog 1.2 mile, my knee hurt all of yesterday?  And that I’ve had this bad case of heartburn for about the last week that is absolutely no fun to deal with or try to sleep with.  I notice it gets worse when I’m at home.  I’m not blaming them.  They’re kids.  But these vacations when children outnumber the adults two to one are not much fun.

My 16 year old has had about a half a dozen friends at all times downstairs in his basement bedroom.  I am fairly certain that we have adopted one of them who, from what I have been able to garner, has spent the night the past four nights.  It’s okay.  I’m not complaining.  I would rather they congregate here than driving around God knows where and going God knows where.  But I have told him that they need to be here and stay here and be quiet, but it does not keep him from doing silly things like opening my bedroom door at 11:30pm … creak, creak, then he pokes his head in and just stares.

‘Yes, Michael, what is it, Michael?’  Mom, could I run to Jewel really quick.  We really need some chips.

Of course, you do.

Last night, I warned him how much trouble he would be in if he woke me up again to ask permission for a chip run.  So he didn’t, but my 13 year old woke me up just right after I had fallen asleep as his teeth were bothering him.  He just got braces put on yesterday so who can blame him.  And my 4 year old was up at 3am as she has a cold and could not breathe … with four children, it is always something.

So I’m going to go ahead and say my goodbyes now as surely there is no way I’m getting through this run tomorrow as I am doing worse than ever … but am I?

I’m scared.

I’m hurting.

Good chance you are, too.

But I’m also learning how to better handle all of that and continue to put my focus where it needs to be …  from the article I wrote in elephant journal three years ago: “Did I leave my life to chance…Or did I make you fucking dance?

Dance, people, dance … it ain’t getting any easier is it.  But I’m getting better at dealing with it … hoping you are as well … being the disco ball freak and giving it my all … Karen ❤


Elephant journal article from three years ago about Turkey Trot tomorrow:

I’m still “Running Down a Dream” …