Three and a half years ago, I discovered women’s circles. A friend of mine started me and introduced me and another friend to this idea, but then decided that hosting them was not working for her. So I decided to host and pretty much never looked back.
My interest in women’s circles led to the creation of Find a Womens Circle .Com – the divine feminine app because I saw how difficult it was to find them and the need to have a place to list all of the different options.
My personal focus was to create a small intimate new moon women’s circle.
It’s been hard. The women who come to these circles have been, for the most part, women that I met through a local mother’s group who have small children and demanding schedules. Little ones with their 24/7 needs and frequent illnesses don’t exactly lend themselves to personal commitments. Women moved. They got divorced. Major health issues. There’s been a constant ebb and flow with attendees.
And my reaction ebbed and flowed as well. I tried to control it more … ‘well, who can commit to two out of three?’ ‘Who’s coming tonight?’ ‘Who’s not?’ I spent a lot of time and effort and stress on this, until I realized something. It wasn’t worth it.
The women come when the circle calls …
I realized there is a natural ebb and flow to attendees. When I let things fall in to place, they did … in just the way they should. Sometimes I see women with the ‘Pandora effect’. They open up the chest and peer in and then when change starts happening, they run. Change is scary. I get that. And it’s okay. We all do things at our own pace.
I also spent a lot of time ensuring there would be ‘enough’ women coming to the circle. I did the ol’ marketing trick ‘rsvp now if you’re coming as the moon lodge only holds ten, and we only have a couple more spaces left.’ And it worked. And then I realized something ironic; I don’t really care for big circles.
I longed to build the trust and intimacy and comfort of a small new moon circle with the same women attending.
So I set that intention, and I just let it go. I made a conscious choice to stop worrying about who and how many were coming. You see, although not constant work, but I ‘prepare’ for circles the entire day. Slowly, amidst my other mom/home/work duties, setting up the space, preparing meditations, a playlist, songs, etc. It’s work.
And when I did not know for sure who and how many were coming, I would get resentful. ‘Look at all of this that I am doing. They are not even appreciative. Why am I bothering?’
But then I made another discovery; I’m ‘bothering’ because I am doing it for myself. And again, I ‘shifted’ my perspective. To take these two days out of roughly a month (the circles are hosted on both full moons and new), is a commitment to myself and the divinity within.
Now I consciously go through the day with reverence. These are two days out of the month where I pause the busy demands of my life, and I make sure to do so now deliberately and with honor for myself and for Life.
I had to stop myself and ask, ‘aren’t I myself worth this time and effort???’
And the answer was yes. Yes, I am.
And like most things in life, once I let go of this egoistic need to control, things fell in to place.
And this last Super New Moon in Gemini, it finally happened.
A handful of the same people have been coming to the circles. We are very different: different ages and places in life. Different perspectives and life choices. At one point again, I longed for ‘more people like me’ to be attending … but that is not what we need, is it?
The beauty of a women’s circle is that it connects women of varying generations, backgrounds and experiences. The candles are burning. The lights are low. Music or chanting or drumming. It sounds so trite, but the differences drop away, and we all become One.
In this last circle, two other women attended: one of an older generation and one of a younger. We had such an interesting conversation on a couple of different subjects that we hold widely varying perspectives on, but with respect for each others choices, judgments and unique paths: with open minds.
We sang a song and chanted reaching a meditative state. We did an emotional exercise from a blog post that one of them had brought.
We did a four minute back rub for each other, because in this touch-starved world where we pay tens of dollars for strangers to massage us, it’s rather nice to just sit there and have a friend give you a no expectations back rub.
One of them commented how much she liked the song I played during the backrub, and so I played it again. This time I sang the song and as it played, tears streamed down my face.
And I realized that it had happened.
I had reached the point in the New Moon Circle where I felt safe and comfortable enough just to be me, without any thoughts of ‘what are they thinking’, etc. but just truly being completely in the moment with others within a beautiful circle.
It was here. The trust and the safety, the non-judgement, the intimacy of a small circle where we know each other well and ‘allow’ each other and feel comfortable just to breathe, pause, enjoy the beauty of the song and the room, the smells, say what we truly think, do the ‘work’ we need to do on ourselves and giving the respect for others to do the same.
And yes, both women are ones who have come to many, many of the circles. But at the same time, I realized that one of the main things that had changed to allow this … was: Me.
Find a Womens Circle. These are my passion: these small circles meeting with the same women consistently where you can build this.
Truly, everyone should have one.
*We are in the midst of adding ‘profiles’ to the divine feminine app so that you can see other women in your area interested in circles, but in the meantime, go to ‘add circle’ and put your desire to ‘find/start/join a women’s circle.’
Let magic happen in your life.