You Want it darker ..

No, I didn’t want it darker, when I got remarried, I was looking for help. I was struggling: a single mom with two young boys not making ends meet and no help. Here comes my knight in shining armor, putting down a hand to save me ..

In the form of not just one more child, but two more … a blended family of four.

Things got darker.

I told someone the other day that if you want to see someone’s true character, put them in a room full of toddlers or take away their means to feed themselves and their family. We’ve been dealing with the latter while raising four children.

It has been dark for quite a long time. And I have been seeing my husband’s true character, and it’s good. Very good.

You Want it darker …

No, I didn’t want it darker, I wanted what everyone else appears to have … happy families and couples, movies, the occasional dinner out, a yearly trip to Disney …

I thought I wanted that.

But I’ve been finding out that maybe not …

You Want it darker …

When everything is stripped from you, you have such an opportunity to choose what you really truly want. To find what really truly fits you.

To figure out the chasm between the life you have … and the life that you want. And where your responsibility lies for that.

I have lost friends and family members. But I feel as if I have been emerging from the darkness, and as I do, I look around, and I have some pretty incredible companions … compassionate, caring, interesting, learning fellow travelers .. that I never would have had if I had stayed in my ‘false light’.

You see that was not a true light but the glaring, insincere fluorescent lighting of a Target.

You want it darker …

Yes, I want it darker ..

so that I can explore the nooks and crannies of my fears and insecurities, petty judgments and anger …

Yes, I want it darker …

so that when the one candle is lit,

it will light up the entire room.


My random thoughts inspired by this article:  Kali Takes America.  Growing pains, that’s what we’re all going through … growing pains.